2:30 in the morning

I got yelled at twice tonight, for reasons I think were unjust. Since it was women who aren't Kim who did it, I am just going to write about it rather than say or do anything (I really don't think it is worth the time or effort). Then, in one case it was followed up by soft words that seemed like manipulation as the yelling didn't work. That sounds paranoid, but I swear I'm not. I blamed Kim a bit for the yelling, but it wasn't her fault. I clammed up when he tried to comfort me.

I'm getting married tomorrow to Kim. I can't wait to live with her. Finally, some equality in a room mate! Between mom over the summer and my landlords this fall, I have been the inferior for almost 6 months and I am cramped most severely. Finally, when someone tells me to do something I can say no and hold that position without the feeling of insubordination. If I say yes, it will be because I love her.

All my interactions with Kim's family seem to follow this route, but I am not liking Katrina very much right now (I have not liked each of them for one thing or another on my way to loving them). She thinks she is so wise and it pisses me off. I find myself saying stupid things in reaction to what she says, just so I can have my thoughts be different from hers. lol. When I like her again permanently a month from now, I wonder what I'll think of this.

Like when she tells me to give something up, she says it in an authoritative tone that says, "this is the voice of experience" arghhh. Life is much more complex than that. The same path doesn't always lead to the same mistakes and because someone doesn't find peace in something doesn't mean others don't. Like they never want to seriously discuss philosophical things with me and I have been told to stop talking about them, but I have to listen to talk and analysis of stupid tv shows as if the  people were real. It is good I am getting this out: when I read it again, I will feel ashamed and be more gracious, but not tonight. lol. sleep time now.

I'm going to regret posting this, but my mind would call me coward if I didn't so w/e.